What to do if you find an owl

In case you are wondering what to do if you happen to be driving home after a wrestling tournament for your 5 year old son, and you see an owl get struck by the car in front of you.

Here is what to do in the above hypothetical situation.

Do not stop. Do not show your 5 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old the "poor little hurt owl". If you do stop to show them the dang bird, then you will only be setting yourself up for a "loud" ride home. Do not decide that maybe this would be a neat learning experience for your kids and scoop up the owl and place it in the small compartment in the back of the company minivan. If you choose to opt for the "learning experience" then just know when you get home at 9:30pm you will have to try and put those little kids of your in bed after they have checked on the owl in the dog crate 10 times.

By the way don't forget that your 4 yr old daughter has a huge fear of owls since they have been stealing your chickens for the past 2 years. She may picture being picked up by the talons (which may or may not have been described to her as "cool" once. She probably will have a few fears about an owl being in the dog crate on the kitchen counter, maybe not just saying...

Oh yea, and don't worry about being a total redneck and having an owl on your kitchen counter. It is totally normal for rednecks to have alligators in their bathtubs once in a while, or to be seen chasing chickens in their underwear while 8 months pregnant at 5 am.

FYI:

The wife of the owner of the reptile was convinced to put to aligator in the tub only after being told that it would only be there for a day while the tank was moved from one place to another. (You may feel sorry for the wife, or say it's her own falut for marrying the guy after knowing him for only 3 months, you decide but don't tell me which option you chose)

Having an owl in a dog crate on the kitchen counter is nothing compared to those things. Who would do that?...

Anyway,

after you have calmed the fears of your daughter, and put your sons to bed for the umpteinth time you are finally ready to call the Fish and Game just to make sure you won't get in trouble for having a protected wild bird on your kitchen counter. Since it is after hours at the Game warden's office just leave a message and hope they don't wake you in the morning with hand cuffs for poaching.

In the morning when you wake with only 30 minutes to get 3 kids ready for pre-school you may wish you had gotten up earlier. well, by then it will be too late for wishing for more time so just get the kids dressed and don't worry about breakfast. After you explain to the 2 littlest kids that the owl may die because it is hurt so bad prepare yourself for your 5 year old's comment.

He may or may not tell his brother and sister that it's okay if it dies,

"Cause, we can just have it for dinner."

When he says something like this don't panic or laugh out loud, simply move on and hope nobody heard him say that. If nobody wants to move onto another subject you may spend the ride to pre-school talking about what is ok to eat and what is not.

But remember that is only in case YOUR 5 yr old makes a comment like that. Does my 5 yr old look like he'd say something like that...Never mind don't answer that.

Remember, this a hypothetical situation...

When you finally get those little kiddos dropped off to school don't think for a minute that they will have forgotten about it. They won't. Even after a trip to the library to see the "Sensory Safari" wildlife display of real (stuffed) lions, leopards, snakes, and even a zebra

they will still think that the live (broken) owl at home on the kitchen counter is still pretty cool. Be prepared when the fish and game calls you back and asks you to bring the dang bird to Pocatello so they can check it out. Don't worry if you do not want to make a trip to their office you can always tell them that you are a farm girl and that you know how to "take care of it".

If the warden asks you what you mean just tell him about when you were little and your dog had had her 3rd batch of puppies for the year that you knew what it meant when your dad would say he was going to "take care of them"

The game warden will by then catch on to what you are saying and almost sound a bit relieved about not having to deal with 3 hopeful kids and a sensitive mother. He probably will give you permission to go ahead and "take care of it".

Don't think for a second that you can do just that without the kids wondering what you are doing. You may think they are down for naps and that they were not looking as you sneek out the back door but they are sneeky themselves. They actually may be jumping to the window as soon as they hear the door click. If you forget that the owl may still have some life left and leave your gloves inside next to the dog crate, just drop it on the ground outside. It's wing is broken after all so it won't get too far. Just remember to look up and notice that your kids are watching from the window of the living room so you don't do something as grotesque as drop kicking the bird when it's talons slash the pad of your thumb.

No this would not go over very well if you do this. If you do get caught in your moment of weakness, your 2 year old may come outside saying "bird okay?"

You may have some explaining to do if he sees you stuff the poor owl in a plastic bag.

Even though there is really nothing you can do for the "poor birdie", you may feel a bit like a monster as you tie the bag shut. Your son will be fine after awhile.

After all,

this is just a learning experience. He learned that you, his mother who at times seems like such a sweet woman who reads books and sings songs is really nothing but a "bird hurter"

I am sure you may feel like more than a "bird hurter" but remember if your 2 yr old knew more words he may have come up with something much more dramatic.

For him, that was dramatic.

So in summary, DON'T PICK UP AN INJURED OWL AND BRING IT HOME! (but, if you do make sure to get lots of pictures.)

Disclaimer:

The people portrayed in the following pictures are based on fictional characters. Any similarity to real people or animals is pure coincidence.

The end